The Fetlife first message.

There you are. You have a brand new profile you have searched your little heart out and finally you have a person who you just NEEED to talk to.  It all lines up and it’s looking good.  You have mutual Intrests and the profile screams “message me!!!”

But now you’re staring at that blank message box.

Fear not, fellow kinksters!

Twisted has your back.

This guide will help you craft an opener that’s sure to pique their interest (and maybe even land you a date).

First, the DON’Ts:

 * The Generic “Hey”: Seriously? Be more creative!

 * The “What are your interests?”: Too broad. Show you’ve actually read their profile.

 * The “Wanna play?”: Aggressive much? Build some rapport first.

 * Anything sexually suggestive immediately: It’s a turn-off for many, and can come across as creepy.

 * Long, rambling essays about your kink history: Save that for later.

Also, try to avoid these topics in the first message:

 * Heavy discussions about past trauma: Keep it light and playful initially.

 * Complicated relationship dynamics: “I’m in a triad with my dog and a toaster” might be a bit much for the first message.

 * Explicit requests for specific acts: Again, build some rapport first.

So, what DOES work?

 * Find common ground: “I saw you’re into [shared interest]. Me too! What’s your favorite [related thing]?”

 * Comment on something specific in their profile: “That picture of you in the [kink gear] is amazing! Where did you get it?”

 * Ask a playful question: “If you could have any superpower, what would it be, and how would you use it in the bedroom?”

 * Use humor: A well-placed pun or witty observation can go a long way.

Remember: Keep it concise, keep it curious, and most importantly, be yourself!

Bonus Tip: If you’re feeling extra adventurous, try sending a voice note. It adds a personal touch and can be surprisingly effective.

Now go forth and conquer the world of online kink!